The 10 Facebook Commandments.

So in the beginning of time it is said that God elicited Ten Commandments for the people of the world to follow. In his haste to finish the creation of the world in just six days, he neglected to address facebook in any of these commandments. On the road to Damascus, God appeared before me, and instructed me to devise the 10 commandments of facebook, to prevent any more souls from venturing down the path of evil. For those who have violated any of the commandments below, you need not fear, I have enlisted God's desired form of penance so that you may be cleansed of your sins. As for the serial offenders however, may God have mercy on your soul. Here they are:

Thou shalt not promote their list on facebook; doing so is of extreme annoyance to others. No one cares if it’s $12 entry on a guestlist before 10pm. Yahweh pities these lost souls. Penance: A lashing for every status posted.

Thou shalt not post ridiculously irrelevant and inane status updates.The great provider does not care if you are brushing your teeth, catching the bus or cleaning your room. Frankly, anyone who is under the illusion that other people do care about such things, is destined for mortal peril. Penance: Abstinence from facebook for 40 days and 40 nights.

Thou shalt not inundate people with page/group suggestions about their band, and send constant gig invitations. Pursuing your musical dreams is admirable, though the sanity of facebook users around the world should not be compromised as a result of this.Constant page suggestions and gig invitations do nothing to endear your band to the people; doing so is truly the work of Satan. Penance: Living in silence for one month.

Thou shalt not post about not being able to wait for the weekend, particularly on a Monday or Tuesday.The Lord God issues a memo to such posters: neither can anyone else! Every person out there is holding out for the weekend as well, so such statuses are completely redundant. Penance: Buy everyone a drink during your totally epic weekend adventures that await.

Thou shalt not request picture comments from others. The Lord God thought he had laid such blasphemy to rest when the converted moved from myspace to facebook, but there are still offenders amongst us. The fact that there are people who actually derive their happiness and contentment from picture comments is slightly disturbing. Penance: 3 hail marys and 2 our fathers.

Thou shalt not gloat about drinking ventures.‘Petty fool drank so much last night, and feels sorry for his/her liver!’. That is the sort of status that facebook users are forced to contend with.Posting such statuses may make you feel like a madcunt, but the Lord God implores you to think twice before you choose to sell your soul to the devil himself. Penance: Donate a vital organ, immediately.

Thou shalt not join or create fanpages concerning the most generic things, such as breathing, contempt for waiting in line etc. No shit youre a fan of it, which is why filling up people’s news feeds with such superfluous rubbish is pointless. Penance: partaking in a game of Russian roulette.

Thou shalt not take photos while tensing/with your top off. The lord God does not care if you’ve got heaps sick obliques from that ab king pro at home; taking such pictures is ridiculously vain, and a sure sign of severe head trauma at an early age. Penance: just end it now.

Thou shalt not upload photos of their feet in the ‘dip-dip’ position. >> http://img189.imageshack.us/i/terriblea.jpg/ >> (copy and paste for example). What is the purpose of such pictures? Is it to exult in the fact that you’re wearing shoes? Unless you’re Ethiopian, such a choice puzzles even the Lord God. Penance: immediate removal of your hair extensions.

Thou shalt lay the peace sign to rest. A disciple of Christ once employed the peace sign when photographed, and he was viewed as a visionary. Sadly, this was in the year 18 A.D, and since then the gesture has been butchered by Japanese exchange students and teeny boppers alike. The now clichéd hand gesture is no longer funny or original, and is not looked kindly upon by the king of kings. Penance: removal of the offending digits.

These are the sacrosanct rules of facebook. Observe what I command you today.


EDIT: ""THIS WEEKEND. WILL BE. AH-MAZZZZZZING! as will, basically the remainder of 09! am super excited. do have, three of the BEST WEEKS ever lined up! :DDDDDD""

- This status appeared within minutes of the proclamation of the Commandments. expect rain for the next few weeks. Sam and Tom, your arc planning may not have been in vain