I love sport. I love the majority of those people who professionally partake in sport. So I decided that I’d put my head down and figure out which athletes have won me over the most. Here’s my top 20; just remember that them being my favourite doesn’t necessarily mean they're the best, though I can promise that they’re all pretty darn good. Also, I limited it to athletes currently active in their chosen sport. Enjoy.
20. Haile Gebrselassie.
I read an interview with this guy in an Alpha magazine a few years ago and he won me over. Started off running to school each morning and he hasn’t stopped. His exuberance when he crosses the line after each race is great and that ridiculous WR he set in 08 won’t be beaten any time soon. His work ethic and training regimes are a thing of wonder.
19. LeBron James.
I don’t like LeBrons decision to go to Miami. I’m not a big fan of his cockiness, or some of the dubious calls he’s made over the years either. Where Lebron has won me, and many others over is with his prodigious talent. When I watch leBron play I couldn’t care less that he said he’d leave the NBA if the price was right, it all melts away and you’re left with an amazing athlete. Is essentially unstoppable, and certainly has justified ‘The Chosen One’ tag.
18. Tommy Haas.
Tommy’s a journeymen. One of the more consistent players of the last decade, and will go down as one of the best players never to win a slam. His ability on the court is rivalled only by his work with the ladies off it. I won’t soon forget that backhand down the line.
17. Adam Cooney.
Being such a passionate Carlton supporter, my contempt for opposition players is generally unequivocal. Cooney’s an exception though. Can disappear for a half, and then from nowhere turn it on. Is a great goal kicker, and his speed and athleticism see him break the lines regularly. One of the most damaging and exciting players in the AFL.
16. Jason Lezak.
While most people would find swimming the anchor leg in a relay intimidating, Lezak relishes the opportunity. He is the sort of swimmer that swims literally seconds faster when the heat is on; he is all clutch. Most swimmers tend to hang up the swimsuit in their mid to late 20s, but Lezak is 35, going strong, and has his eye on London next year.
Watch this > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVZrne7X5ww. Amazing.
15. Thierry Henry.
Is languishing in the USA these days, but let’s not forget some of his triumphs. Scored over 200 goals for the Gunners (a record), and led France to their one and only world cup, among many other achievements. Once he’s on the run, there’s no stopping him. Immensely enjoyed watching him play, he’ll forever be remembered as a very ‘handy’ player.
14. Ray Allen.
Three things I’ve noticed about Ray: How quickly he is able to get his shot off, how accurate his shot is, and his knack for getting open as he comes off screens and runs through traffic. Put those three attributes together, and you know why he is pretty much unguardable. Can break your heart in seconds, and will soon have Reggie’s 3 pt scoring record. Can’t wait.
13. Sanath Jayasuriya.
Over the last 15 years, the Sri Lankan cricket side as a whole has been pretty embarrassing. Jayasuriya made sure their fans always had something to cheer about however, with his incredible strike rate and ruthlessness towards any bowling attack. Thrashed bowlers around for almost two decades, and was the reason I always looked forward to Sri Lanka touring down under.
12. Jarrad Waite.
At 26 this swingman still doesn’t really seem to have a set position, but I’m OK with it. Has done some great defensive jobs on the likes of Nick Riewoldt over the years, and can go forward and kick goals as well. His athleticism and great hands hold him in good stead all over the ground. A great player with plenty more good games left in him.
11. Ronaldinho.
Ronaldinho was never particularly fast or strong; his game has always been about sheer skill. The best dribbler of our generation revolutionised soccer with his ‘Joga Bonito’ style of play. Has scored many memorable goals, both in general play, and at set pieces. As he returns to the Brazilian league (which is comparable to the A-League), the soccer world will really miss one of the superstars of his era.
10. Andy Roddick.
Has rubbed plenty of people the wrong way over the years, particularly chair umpires, with his cocky personality and argumentative nature. No one could deny his ability though. His second serve is better than most first serves on the circuit. His forehand is blistering; he’s every bit of a machine. A consistent grand slam performer, with a sense of humour that gets me every time.
9. Cameron White.
It feels like he has been around forever, but he is still only 27. One of the more exciting players in Australian cricket, and a great leader. ‘The bear’ is an international calibre player; one can only hope that the selectors realise that soon. Has every shot in the book, and when he frees his arms, the crowd is left ducking for cover.
8. Cristiano Ronaldo.
Ronaldo broke many hearts when he left EPL, but he has continued to hone his craft at Madrid. He has an incredible strike rate when it comes to scoring goals, which is even more remarkable when you consider that he often plays in the midfield. Most of the elite players have one defining attribute that has propelled them to stardom. Ronaldo however is the complete package; he is a showcase for everything that is good about soccer. The scary thing is, he’s only at the half way point of his career.
7. Kevin Garnett.
Garnett could do anything a point guard could do, and his 6”11 frame has allowed him to do the ‘big-man’ stuff as well. His passion and intensity is unrivalled throughout the league, and seeing him spot up from mid range is a sight to behold. He is a deserving MVP winner, and his championship in 2008 was a testament to years and years of hardwork. Thankfully, this year KG has found a second wind in what has already been a remarkable career; as he looks to take the Celtics to glory once again.
6. Kevin Pietersen.
South Africa must be kicking himself that this guy slipped through their fingers. Many cricketers almost seem automated these days; so the honesty, cockiness and flamboyance of KP has been a breath of fresh air for mine. A scintillating player with an impeccable record, but what I love about him the most is that he never backs down. He has always played differently; whether it be in his decision to charge against pace bowlers, or some of the dubious decisions he has made when facing spin bowlers. It is fair to say that this unique approach has paid dividends for KP however, as this human highlights reel has engineered the resurrection of English cricket.
5. Brendan Fevola.
Fev was there during the darkest era of the Carlton Football Club. While we were getting our behind handed to us week in, week out, Fev was one thing we had in our favour. He gave us hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel. A truly one-of-a-kind player, who did things that have never been seen before on a football field. I sometimes look at that goal against Adelaide off the boundary from time to time, it’s hard to go past. There were plenty of other huge performances on his part as well, often on the big stage. While some of his off-field antics hurt the club, his heart was always in the right place, and his blood has always bled blue.
4. Ricky Ponting.
There was an extended period in Ponting’s career where he was averaging a century every second test. He would go out there, and you would be surprised if he was dismissed for less than a tonne. He has been amongst the leading run scorers each calendar year going back to the 90’s, due to his incredible skill and concentration. His style of play has always been eye-catching; even from ball one, he has always batted with a sense of authority that let the bowlers know that he was undoubtedly in charge. It didn’t matter whether Australia was 1/300 or 3/2, he played with the same mindset and would still hit through the air if he felt the shot was on. There has hardly ever been a dull moment when Ponting has been at the crease, which is why I have enjoyed his career so much.
3. Roger Federer.
I can’t imagine tennis without Roger Federer, it’ll be a sad day when he retires. When that day comes, he will be the most decorated player of all time. More and more ‘powerhouses’ seem to be cropping up in mens tennis, but Fed has never subscribed to that style of play. He is everything of a wizard, with the way he works the ball around the court. The angles and spin he often employs are downright ridiculous, and I’ve seen him hit shots that I’m pretty sure don’t exist yet. Apart from the fact that he is the best ever, Federer has also won the hearts of many because he is a gentleman. The way he handles himself off the court is as flawless as his display on it. He’s nearly always clinical when playing, but the best Fed moments are when he is challenged. It is in these moments that you really see the fire ignite in his belly, and his competitive streak really rears its head (circa Federer v. Berdych, Aus open 2009). When that happens, watch out.
2. Chris Judd.
what an acquisition he has been for the Carlton football club. Since he donned the navy blue, you could honestly attribute at least a quarter, if not half of CFC’s wins to CJ. I’m not saying he was instrumental in those games, I’m saying he literally threw the team on his back, and single-handedly won the game, while the other 43 players on the ground watched in awe. Carlton has, and has had, plenty of other good players, but none during my lifetime have ever rivalled Chris (Sorry Stix). While being at Carlton has required him to do a lot more of the ‘grunt’ work and far less of the outside play he hung his hat on at the Eagles, Judd has embraced the change, and made the transition admirably. His trophy cabinet is really starting to reflect just how good he actually is. Like Federer, he too is a gentleman, and has always carried himself well off the field. With Judd, it all comes down to the fact that he is a winner. I have no doubt that no matter what he chose to do with his life, he was always destined to succeed. I’m just grateful he chose our sport, and more specifically, my football team, as the avenue through which he would go about his winning ways. Bravo Juddy.
1. Michael Phelps.
Phelps is a funny guy. He’s down to Earth, and doesn’t even mind getting on the Ganja from time to time. But this isn’t why he is my favourite athlete; he is my favourite athlete because he is the greatest athlete I have ever seen. It is true that Phelps has been dealt a good hand; he’s tall and slender, with a huge a wingspan and massive feet, all of which is perfect for swimming. But by God, has he made the most of his talent. Having only been to two Olympics, he already has 14 gold medals to his name, which pretty much speaks for itself. While most swimmers have one stroke that they pride themself on and try to hone, Phelps blitzes in all of them. There is no chink in his armour; he has destroyed records in a variety of strokes and over a range of distances, it’s unbelievable. In the lead-up the Beijing Olympics, Phelps was practically bigger than the games themselves. People were no longer talking about which country would top the medal tally; all the hype was about whether Phelps could score eight gold medals, and eclipse the previous record. He delivered, as champions do, and set seven world records in the process. His come from behind victory against Cavic in the 100m butterfly is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. Michael once said ‘records are made to be broken’, but I’m not sure anyone will ever revamp the record books to the same extent as MP. I feel lucky to have witnessed his glittering career, and I can’t wait til London 2012.
Well, there you have it. Please excuse any spelling errors; unlike the perfect specimens above, I'm only human.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Modern day teevee
in many ways, modern day television is becoming more and more a search for fresh, untried concepts, in order to keep audiences guessing.
many shows that have brought something a little different to the table have prospered, such as lost, top gear, the big bang theory and modern family.
Not all of these unproven ideas have been met with critical acclaim however. There have been plenty of stinkers crop of up late, as the tv game becomes more and more 'hit and miss'.
Examples? The farmer wants a wife, beauty and the geek, jersey shore, cougar town.
What really had me stirring was a new show I came across one night on foxtel. It's known as 'dating in the dark', and may be the worst one yet.
Dating in the Dark was invented by the Dutch. a side-effect of legalising marijuana seems to be that you come up with inane reality television.
The show is about six contestants, who go on dates with each other in a darkened room so that they have no inkling about the others physical appearance. eventually the appearance of the others is revealed, and they can decide whether they want to pursue the relationship.
honestly, it comes across as a sort of half thought out idea that has been stretched out to 40 minute episodes, and sadly, a second season. Reading up on the show; it seems as repetitive as deal or no deal. The contestants go on date after date with the same person they initially selected, making the same sort of awkward conversations, until they finally have to decide if they want to go on another date outside.
another problem is that the sort of people who tend to audition for trainwrecks like this are idiots. this show would struggle even if the contestants were of Pat rafter calibre; so when you factor in that the contestants are a bunch of idiots and you are left to watch on in grainy black and white, well, houston, we have a problem.
Overall, there have been plenty of great shows in the past decade; but plenty of shit ones as well. Let's just hope that shows of the dating in the dark ilk no longer make it to air, we'd all be better off.
many shows that have brought something a little different to the table have prospered, such as lost, top gear, the big bang theory and modern family.
Not all of these unproven ideas have been met with critical acclaim however. There have been plenty of stinkers crop of up late, as the tv game becomes more and more 'hit and miss'.
Examples? The farmer wants a wife, beauty and the geek, jersey shore, cougar town.
What really had me stirring was a new show I came across one night on foxtel. It's known as 'dating in the dark', and may be the worst one yet.
Dating in the Dark was invented by the Dutch. a side-effect of legalising marijuana seems to be that you come up with inane reality television.
The show is about six contestants, who go on dates with each other in a darkened room so that they have no inkling about the others physical appearance. eventually the appearance of the others is revealed, and they can decide whether they want to pursue the relationship.
honestly, it comes across as a sort of half thought out idea that has been stretched out to 40 minute episodes, and sadly, a second season. Reading up on the show; it seems as repetitive as deal or no deal. The contestants go on date after date with the same person they initially selected, making the same sort of awkward conversations, until they finally have to decide if they want to go on another date outside.
another problem is that the sort of people who tend to audition for trainwrecks like this are idiots. this show would struggle even if the contestants were of Pat rafter calibre; so when you factor in that the contestants are a bunch of idiots and you are left to watch on in grainy black and white, well, houston, we have a problem.
Overall, there have been plenty of great shows in the past decade; but plenty of shit ones as well. Let's just hope that shows of the dating in the dark ilk no longer make it to air, we'd all be better off.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Top 100 movies of all time.
I could have sworn I'd uploaded this already.. but apparently I haven't.
Anyway, I've had a top 100 list for a while, but I went through it all recently and the end result in the revamped version below. Being a youngster, my list is sort of favoured to 90s movies ( oldies such as Citizen Kane, Casablanca etc. missed out), but it's still a pretty useful compilation.
1. American History X
2. Seven
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Primal Fear
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. Donnie Darko
7. City Of God
8. A Time To Kill
9. The Lucky Number Slevin
10. Fight Club
11. The Chumscrubber
12. Home Alone
13. E.T
14. Pulp Fiction
15. Big Fish
16. The Boy With The Striped Pyjamas
17. 12 Angry Men
18. Forrest Gump
19. The Prestige
20. Gran Torino
21. Reservoir Dogs
22. Four Brothers
23. Sleepers
24. Trainspotting
25. Seven Pounds
26. Schindler's List
27. The Green Mile
28. Remember The Titans
29. Along Came A Spider
30. Con Air
31. The Terminal
32. Men Of Honour
33. Silence Of The Lambs
34. Slumdog Millionaire
35. Titanic
36. Kill Bill
37. Reign Over Me
38. The Accused
39. The Lives of Others
40. Kiss The Girls
41. Requiem For A Dream
42. Ocean's Eleven
43. Happy Gilmore
44. Hook
45. Precious
46. Toy Story
47. The Bourne Identity
48. Superbad
49. Enemy Of The State
50. Mr. Brooks
51. The Basketball Diaries
52. Shaun Of the Dead
53. The Deep End of The Ocean
54. Hotel Rwanda
55. Garden State
56. The Pursuit of Happyness
57. Fargo
58. The Departed
59. Seabiscuit
60. Cast Away
61. American Psycho
62. V For Vendetta
63. The Hangover
64. The Patriot
65. No Country For Old Men
66. Goodfellas
67. Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
68. Children Of Men
69. A Few Good Men
70. Blood Diamond
71. Basic Instinct
72. Green Street Hooligans
73. Coach Carter
74. Boyz n The Hood
75. The Usual Suspects
76. Punch Drunk Love
77. Secret Window
78. The Wizard Of Oz
79. The Mighty
80. Insomnia
81. The Machinist
82. Billy Elliot
83. Alexandra’s Project
84. Philadelphia
85. Vantage Point
86. The Lion King
87. Good Will Hunting
88. Catch Me If You Can
89. The Butterfly Effect
90. Oldboy
91. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
92. Brokeback Mountain
93. Hard Candy
94. Being John Malkovich
95. Memento
96. Gladiator
97. LA Confidential
98. Unforgiven
99. The Wrestler
100. Man On Wire
Anyway, I've had a top 100 list for a while, but I went through it all recently and the end result in the revamped version below. Being a youngster, my list is sort of favoured to 90s movies ( oldies such as Citizen Kane, Casablanca etc. missed out), but it's still a pretty useful compilation.
1. American History X
2. Seven
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Primal Fear
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. Donnie Darko
7. City Of God
8. A Time To Kill
9. The Lucky Number Slevin
10. Fight Club
11. The Chumscrubber
12. Home Alone
13. E.T
14. Pulp Fiction
15. Big Fish
16. The Boy With The Striped Pyjamas
17. 12 Angry Men
18. Forrest Gump
19. The Prestige
20. Gran Torino
21. Reservoir Dogs
22. Four Brothers
23. Sleepers
24. Trainspotting
25. Seven Pounds
26. Schindler's List
27. The Green Mile
28. Remember The Titans
29. Along Came A Spider
30. Con Air
31. The Terminal
32. Men Of Honour
33. Silence Of The Lambs
34. Slumdog Millionaire
35. Titanic
36. Kill Bill
37. Reign Over Me
38. The Accused
39. The Lives of Others
40. Kiss The Girls
41. Requiem For A Dream
42. Ocean's Eleven
43. Happy Gilmore
44. Hook
45. Precious
46. Toy Story
47. The Bourne Identity
48. Superbad
49. Enemy Of The State
50. Mr. Brooks
51. The Basketball Diaries
52. Shaun Of the Dead
53. The Deep End of The Ocean
54. Hotel Rwanda
55. Garden State
56. The Pursuit of Happyness
57. Fargo
58. The Departed
59. Seabiscuit
60. Cast Away
61. American Psycho
62. V For Vendetta
63. The Hangover
64. The Patriot
65. No Country For Old Men
66. Goodfellas
67. Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
68. Children Of Men
69. A Few Good Men
70. Blood Diamond
71. Basic Instinct
72. Green Street Hooligans
73. Coach Carter
74. Boyz n The Hood
75. The Usual Suspects
76. Punch Drunk Love
77. Secret Window
78. The Wizard Of Oz
79. The Mighty
80. Insomnia
81. The Machinist
82. Billy Elliot
83. Alexandra’s Project
84. Philadelphia
85. Vantage Point
86. The Lion King
87. Good Will Hunting
88. Catch Me If You Can
89. The Butterfly Effect
90. Oldboy
91. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
92. Brokeback Mountain
93. Hard Candy
94. Being John Malkovich
95. Memento
96. Gladiator
97. LA Confidential
98. Unforgiven
99. The Wrestler
100. Man On Wire
Saturday, September 18, 2010
patrick bateman.
I'm back. Patrick Bateman never left however.
"I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."
"I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
my cockatiel.
There was a new development with my cockatiel recently, which made me realise how mildly interesting the saga had become.. so a blog beckoned.
So we acquired this small parrot about two months ago now, and it had been all smooth sailing until he took a tumble a couple of weeks ago courtesy of my sister. His wings had previously been taped together to stop him flying around the house, so when he was knocked off his perch he fell pretty hard.
After taking him to the vet, it was confirmed that Percival's leg was broken, and the recommended response was to put him down. We didnt have it in us to do that, so the little fella went under the knife that night, and emerged healthy from the operation. Since the op he has been wearing a splint on his leg, and takes antibiotics twice a day.
The thing that amazes me the most in this is that Perry's leg would be thinner than your average drinking straw; that's one skilled surgeon operating on him. But yes, Perry's well and truly on the road to recovery and it looks like this comical saga has come to an end
So we acquired this small parrot about two months ago now, and it had been all smooth sailing until he took a tumble a couple of weeks ago courtesy of my sister. His wings had previously been taped together to stop him flying around the house, so when he was knocked off his perch he fell pretty hard.
After taking him to the vet, it was confirmed that Percival's leg was broken, and the recommended response was to put him down. We didnt have it in us to do that, so the little fella went under the knife that night, and emerged healthy from the operation. Since the op he has been wearing a splint on his leg, and takes antibiotics twice a day.
The thing that amazes me the most in this is that Perry's leg would be thinner than your average drinking straw; that's one skilled surgeon operating on him. But yes, Perry's well and truly on the road to recovery and it looks like this comical saga has come to an end
Saturday, March 13, 2010
10 greatest Stinson quotes.
Its been quite a while since my last blog, so I thought it was time to sweep away the cobwebs and get back in the driver's seat. I really was strapped for ideas when it came to this blog; but then I found myself thinking about my idol Barney Stinson, and the direction i was destined to take became apparent.
I've loved Barney Stinson for years and years. Within the last year or two he's developed the sort of fan base that such a character really deserves. Now, with this far bigger following comes greater pressure to perform so to speak; there's a weight of expectation to deliver again and again. Some have faltered under this added pressure, such as the makers of Jaws, when they wasted everybody's time with "Jaws: The Revenge". On the other hand, Stinson has continued to deliver gold season after season, which is why he truly is my favourite TV character. Before I list my top 10 Stinson quotes, bear in mind that half the humour is in NPH's delivery. That said, here goes:
10. Explaining the simplicity of running a marathon - "Step one, you start running. There is no step two."
9. Barney: "Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession."
Marshall: "Do you really think that’s true?"
Barney: "Oh yeah, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers an extra fish for putting out."
8. "Hi, leg warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on. So, nothing for him to stand on? Ok, thanks so much."
7. “Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.”
6. "I know a hopeless cause when I see one, which is why I stopped recycling."
5. [flips open his cell] "This better be good, I'm about to enter Nirvana... by the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage--say whaaat?"
4. Referring to the first time he had sex - “That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani clad and awesome”
3. "Look around you, Lily! You are in the heart of Bachelor Country. And as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you could try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts twelve hours...fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry."
2. "Talking to a woman that you have already had sex with is like changing the oil on a rental car"
1. "Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fella, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough"
I've loved Barney Stinson for years and years. Within the last year or two he's developed the sort of fan base that such a character really deserves. Now, with this far bigger following comes greater pressure to perform so to speak; there's a weight of expectation to deliver again and again. Some have faltered under this added pressure, such as the makers of Jaws, when they wasted everybody's time with "Jaws: The Revenge". On the other hand, Stinson has continued to deliver gold season after season, which is why he truly is my favourite TV character. Before I list my top 10 Stinson quotes, bear in mind that half the humour is in NPH's delivery. That said, here goes:
10. Explaining the simplicity of running a marathon - "Step one, you start running. There is no step two."
9. Barney: "Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession."
Marshall: "Do you really think that’s true?"
Barney: "Oh yeah, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers an extra fish for putting out."
8. "Hi, leg warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on. So, nothing for him to stand on? Ok, thanks so much."
7. “Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.”
6. "I know a hopeless cause when I see one, which is why I stopped recycling."
5. [flips open his cell] "This better be good, I'm about to enter Nirvana... by the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage--say whaaat?"
4. Referring to the first time he had sex - “That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani clad and awesome”
3. "Look around you, Lily! You are in the heart of Bachelor Country. And as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you could try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts twelve hours...fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry."
2. "Talking to a woman that you have already had sex with is like changing the oil on a rental car"
1. "Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fella, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough"
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
4 random things that suck.
There are a fair few things out there that suck. Heres 4.
1. sleeveless jumpers. I saw a picture of one and it really rekindled my hate for them >> http://img693.imageshack.us/i/wutc.jpg/. They look like dogshit and i doubt I've ever seen anything more heroic in my life. If it was too hot for sleeves, you could have just removed the jumper in the first place; so the only plausible reason for someone to don such an item is to get their 'cannons' out. The only positive that these ‘jumpers’ offer is that they help you to identify cockheads right away. But still, yuck.
2. Purchasing sandwiches. A sandwich at 7/11 goes for around 5.60, and they can be upwards of 7 dollars at other venues. The average loaf of bread goes for around 3 dollars, and will make you up to 15 sandwiches. For fucks sake, do the math. If you’re looking to give money away thats a different issue all together, but can I suggest world vision or something?
The other reason I dont like the idea of purchasing sandwiches is because it is so bland and uninviting. when you're at home with nothing better to eat, you eat a sandwich. when you're buying lunch, youve got the whole world at your fingertips. Endless possibilities, so many different things that aren’t available to you at home are just a transaction away. Yet there are still muppets out there who would happily revert back to a plain old sandwich. Spare me.
3. ‘Bulk buying’. I was introduced to bulk buying at a young age; tickets for my primary school cake raffle went at a dollar each, or 3 for 2 dollars. Needless to say I lapped up the 66 cent tickets, and have maintained that same trading philosophy to this day. Some places dont offer bulk buying, which is terrible practise, but their right. What really pisses me off is places that offer larger quantities at the same rate. A Good example is subway and their cookies; they are advertised at 6 for 4 dollars, or 12 for 8 dollars.
Now that makes me quite angry. Did the visionary who came up with the ‘12 for 8’ idea not realise that they were in fact offering no discount to the customer whatsoever? That when they advertised 6 for 4 dollars, 12 for 8 was implied? So the ’12 for 8’ is completely and utterly obsolete, and gives the implication that we as customers failed our 2 times tables. We didn’t, so fuck you.
4. Tautologies. To keep everyone up to speed, a tautology is a redundancy, like the ‘round circle’ or whatever. If you already knew what a tautology was, I didn’t mean to belittle you with that definition. At times tautologies can be funny, often because the person guilty of the redundancy may have no idea of the error they just made (Circa 2008 AFL season, Anthony Hudson referring to 'past history' while commentating. As opposed to future history?).
Some of these tautologies are just painful however. One that stands out in my mind lies on the front door of a pizza shop i passed the other day. The bolded advertisement read ‘Open 24 Hours 7 Days, we never close’. I’m yet to come across a place open 24/7 that closes. Note to store owner: Flaunting your stupidity is not smart advertising and will not attract prospective customers!
1. sleeveless jumpers. I saw a picture of one and it really rekindled my hate for them >> http://img693.imageshack.us/i/wutc.jpg/. They look like dogshit and i doubt I've ever seen anything more heroic in my life. If it was too hot for sleeves, you could have just removed the jumper in the first place; so the only plausible reason for someone to don such an item is to get their 'cannons' out. The only positive that these ‘jumpers’ offer is that they help you to identify cockheads right away. But still, yuck.
2. Purchasing sandwiches. A sandwich at 7/11 goes for around 5.60, and they can be upwards of 7 dollars at other venues. The average loaf of bread goes for around 3 dollars, and will make you up to 15 sandwiches. For fucks sake, do the math. If you’re looking to give money away thats a different issue all together, but can I suggest world vision or something?
The other reason I dont like the idea of purchasing sandwiches is because it is so bland and uninviting. when you're at home with nothing better to eat, you eat a sandwich. when you're buying lunch, youve got the whole world at your fingertips. Endless possibilities, so many different things that aren’t available to you at home are just a transaction away. Yet there are still muppets out there who would happily revert back to a plain old sandwich. Spare me.
3. ‘Bulk buying’. I was introduced to bulk buying at a young age; tickets for my primary school cake raffle went at a dollar each, or 3 for 2 dollars. Needless to say I lapped up the 66 cent tickets, and have maintained that same trading philosophy to this day. Some places dont offer bulk buying, which is terrible practise, but their right. What really pisses me off is places that offer larger quantities at the same rate. A Good example is subway and their cookies; they are advertised at 6 for 4 dollars, or 12 for 8 dollars.
Now that makes me quite angry. Did the visionary who came up with the ‘12 for 8’ idea not realise that they were in fact offering no discount to the customer whatsoever? That when they advertised 6 for 4 dollars, 12 for 8 was implied? So the ’12 for 8’ is completely and utterly obsolete, and gives the implication that we as customers failed our 2 times tables. We didn’t, so fuck you.
4. Tautologies. To keep everyone up to speed, a tautology is a redundancy, like the ‘round circle’ or whatever. If you already knew what a tautology was, I didn’t mean to belittle you with that definition. At times tautologies can be funny, often because the person guilty of the redundancy may have no idea of the error they just made (Circa 2008 AFL season, Anthony Hudson referring to 'past history' while commentating. As opposed to future history?).
Some of these tautologies are just painful however. One that stands out in my mind lies on the front door of a pizza shop i passed the other day. The bolded advertisement read ‘Open 24 Hours 7 Days, we never close’. I’m yet to come across a place open 24/7 that closes. Note to store owner: Flaunting your stupidity is not smart advertising and will not attract prospective customers!
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